why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
