So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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