Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
even my farts smell like vagina
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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