Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
