I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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