Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
