did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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