Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
