don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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