Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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