I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
