I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
