She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
