I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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