Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
