You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
