This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
