who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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