I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
