drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
