Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
