whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
