finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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