dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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