Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
