no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
