my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
