6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
