my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
