That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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