While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
