look no pants
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I could make wine with my vomit
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
