Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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