Cold hands, warm shart.
"it" just moved
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
