Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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