Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
