I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
