The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
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i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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