These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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