Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
