dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
