i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
