okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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