And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
third nipple confirmed
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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