There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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