Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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