MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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