She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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