Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
