This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I supernannyed him into submission
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
