Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
