it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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