Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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