just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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