that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Holy shit dude........stairs
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