11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
