why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
