yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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