i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
