remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
