So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
