Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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