Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
