can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
