A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
