We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
