How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
