Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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